Just be forewarned that this post is an extremely long rambling of my thoughts. It’s just something I recently experienced and thought I would share. It’s just me being real and wearing my neurosis/mommy issues on my sleeve. ps…this is not a post about fishing for compliments. Save those. Let’s just chat about why us women are —–c-r-a-z-y.
What the heck is our problem as adult women or middle aged adult women? Why the heck do we pick ourselves apart? Strive for perfection? Get crazy. It happens right? I can’t be the only crazy mama out there.
We recently just had our own family photos done. For the first time EVER. I was beyond excited to have Wendy & Tyler take our family photos. I was excited about not having to stress about trying to get my kids to listen and to not have to dash into photos. This is exciting! Having family photos done is exciting!
I brainstormed on what to wear. I planned. I decided to have my makeup done…..because I don’t know how to do mine. (I just happen to have this fabulous friend who does makeup and I use her when I have special events. We have an ongoing barter, seriously fabulous relationship!) So I did it and it was fun.
And then I decided to “don” a skirt. Which I loved on me, BTW.
I had my hair blown out…again because I don’t think I am good at doing and because I enjoy having that done too. (Yes, I have already decided that when I win the lottery–I will have someone who does both every day….I am just sayin’).
I went for it. I was excited. It was our first time ever doing this! I wanted it to be perfect. And you know what………it WAS. Even the honey-do had a great time. I felt great, I had a blast, the kids are still talking about it.
Guess what I did after?
I picked it apart (not the shoot itself because that was amazing. Thank you, Wendy!) But no, I started to 2nd guess every decision I made. About what?
ME. ME. ME. ME. ME.
I had a post—”oh crap, I was just on the other side of the lens-panick attack”. Oh, no. I should, coulda, woulda. ”I should of been more me.” But no, I wanted to be pretty. And I WAS. So why do I care? ”Oh, because it was too much”. I would have been just fine with just being me, less makeup, jeans and a t-shirt. ”Was my part on my hair ok?” “Was I smiling too much or will you see up those big nostrils on my nose that I hate?” Now I am ready for another shoot, a casual one. Pants, boots, less nostril flair, and a ponytail.
But you know what I will probably do after that?
Wish I had worn the skirt.
Do you hear it? Do you hear the annoying tug of war in my head? I can’t be the only person who does this to herself/himself?
“You look hot mama” is what Wendy said, and it felt good hearing it. It felt good to be dressed up. I was happy the whole shoot. Wendy, “your family is awesome.” Because that’s what she sees. That’s what I see in my families on my shoots. She saw a mama and a dad, 2 adorable girls (who need help with less whining and listening) but are their parents pure happiness, all for what they were. A family. People. Not the imperfections. Not the flaws
Why would I worry about what I looked like? Or better yet obsess after the fact. It’s annoying that I do that to myself. Luckily my husband has tons of patience when I go into this mode.
I have already put it in my mind to not let myself BE disappointed with how I look when I see the photos. I know my husband and girls will look awesome. I know that I will be so excited to see our family in photos…TOGETHER. But what I don’t want to do is complain about me—”uggh, I should have sucked IT in more”, or “geez my legs are too white why the heck would I wear a skirt without tights?”
NOPE–I am going to TRY to just remind myself that mama is in some AMAZING pictures by some of the MOST seriously talented people on this planet. And my girls will LOVE seeing this and remembering this over the years.
My girls are at the stage, better yet, who have BEEN at the stage of picking out their clothes. They are both SUPER headstrong. And they are both already very creative thinkers which rolls over into their wardrobe choices.
I struggle with it sometimes. I recognize that I don’t want to push them into this conformist behavior. But as their personal shopper, caregiver, mother, I try to give them guidance and perspective. I try to explain what’s functional & appropriate clothing. I make sure that seasonal clothing is the only thing they see in their closets— because no one wants to fight over a sparkle tank top in the dead of winter eh? After that I really work hard at letting go and letting them be themselves, I try not to (sometimes I struggle) fret too much. I try and teach them and tell them all the time, just wear what makes you HAPPY! And right now they just want to rock “their skirts, cowboy boots, sparkles, clips…all the fun stuff”. Mix and match patterns. And they don’t care. They don’t think about it after. They don’t pick it apart. All that these girls are thinking about is having fun. Enjoying life. What’s next and exciting to do? And they overflow in self-confidence.
I don’t have an answer in this long ramble. I was just thinking about all these feelings I was having after the shoot. Then I was putting into perspective as I try and parent and raise 2 daughters. My main goal for both of my daughters is too instill self-confidence. To remind them that they are beautiful, they are awesome! Hmmm…maybe I should take a dose in that too? And thinking that I know some of my friends who struggle with this the same thing. I was thinking that I am the one on the other side of the lens, I NOW know exactly what some of might clients might go through. I was just thinking how this ties into what I do as career. It’s all full circle.
ps…I went through this same thing at my Blue Lily go Pro reunion I attended recently. I had to really work through being in front of the lens, I can’t even share all the crazy thoughts that went through my head while I was in the midst of that.
Photo credit: by the talented Summer Lalande
What advice do I sum up for myself? STOP being crazy. Make a choice. Rock it. And move past it. We shouldn’t worry and fret so much! If you want to look pretty, go for it and love it. If you want to be casual, do it and own it. It doesn’t matter. Drink up some of that kiddie self-confidence. I am going to attempt to do it myself, and it won’t be easy.